Accepting the Challenge of The Bad Boss

Recently, a friend of mine lost a multi-hundred thousand dollar a year job because he allowed himself to get pulled into a dangerous power struggle with a Bad Boss, mistakenly thinking that if he pressed his case strongly enough, he would 'win'.  Each time we spoke, he described how the conflict grew, intensified, deepened, but was so entrenched in it that no matter what was said, he would go away and step ever deeper into the mire until he'd finally crossed the line the boss was waiting for him to cross and he was asked for his resignation.

"I guess I did it to myself," he said.  And gosh, bless his heart, did he ever. 

I will state here at the beginning that up to a point, I believe it is possible to handle the Bad Boss, and that knowing how to do it is a major part of being the good steward of your own career.  But before we get any farther, I've got to point out the need to get ego out of the way.  The executive or professional with a BB needs to be clear with herself what outcome she desires.  Does she want to be 'right', or 'vindicated' or 'win'?  Or, does she want to retain as much control as possible over the direction of her career, look past the current difficulty, and determine her own direction, or does she want to give that power to a small minded schmuck?

I'm going to assume she wants to retain control of her career, including when to resign if it comes to that.

There are really two Bad Bosses.  One is the obvious psychopath.  The other is incompetent.  Sometimes the incompetent is also a psychopath.  More on the incompetent later, for now lets stick with the psychopath. 

This person simply does not care about others at all.  He views people as packages of resources to be mined and discarded when empty.  He quite often appears charming and harmless, particularly in early employment, and knows how to engender accomplices.

The key to discerning this Bad Boss is to trust your intuition, but to not act on it.  Your intuition will tell you that this person is a little too slick, a little too polished and charming.  You will notice the sycophants and accomplices he has surrounded himself with, and that he is always capable of bending rules to suit himself, while seducing others into colluding with him.  Your job is to notice all this, and keep on noticing it, while at the same time failing to fall into an equal and opposite campaign to 'out' him.  'Be like smoke' is how I advise people unfortunate enough to have this BB.  You must at all times behave in such a way as to have maximum control over your employment while scouting exit strategies if you decide it's just not worth it.  This means never giving this BB the ammo he needs to steal control from you.

How do you do this, you ask?  You do it by astutely studying your own emotions regarding the BB, but only from the outside, much as if you were watching the clouds in the sky.  You scan the clouds for information on the weather, and in the same way, you look at your emotions as valuable information on what is transpiring in your relationship with the BB.  One thing you DON'T do is feed your own emotions into any interaction.  Once you do that, you are handing over everything the BB needs to hang you. 

Just to make sure I've made my point, DO NOT EMOTIONALLY ENGAGE with the BB-you will hang yourself.  Instead, remember there are tactics you can use, not to 'defeat' him, but rather, to defend yourself.  These tactics are things your mother tried to teach you- manners, timeliness, professionalism, but never in a manipulative or sycophant-ish way, but the simple business of recognizing that he is above you in the hierarchy and knowing how to function within one's place in a hierarchy is one of the hallmarks of centered adult life.  Often, simple professionalism will eventually lead to the BB hanging himself rather than his employees, because they have steadfastly refused to engage at his level.

It is also worth knowing that this BB is to be feared, but your fear should never show, as they are experts at sensing it, and once they do, their bloodlust becomes compelling.  The tactic is is simply adult, centered professionalism.  If your particular BB is a really dangerous one, he may not be satisfied with simply having power over you, he may need to show it as well.  If he becomes clearly abusive, a judgment call is in order, and that may mean involving HR.  This is a gray area, but obviously, when a BB's behavior crosses EEOC lines, then HR must be brought in, or an exit strategy formulated.

And this is where no adviser can go with you- with the psychopathic BB violating major guidelines, you the employee have entered the no-man's land of having to act to save oneself without the comfort of knowing the outcome.  But act you must- call in HR, be ready to offer resignation, start looking for another job, perhaps consult an employment lawyer. 

Life's too short to live that way.

Thank you, Joseph

Thirty-four years ago, give or take a month or two, I, an ever so slightly qualified psychotherapist, encountered my first clients, a Mexican-American boy named Joseph and his mother.  He had a serious school phobia,  a condition about which I knew absolutely nothing.  He spoke little or no English, nor did his mother.  We had no Spanish speaking therapists in the agency, and for whatever the reason, Joseph and his mother were assigned to me and my mentor, Julia. 

Picture the absurdity of two Anglo non-Spanish speakers in a room with this loving, frightened young mother and her big eyed little brown son as we tried to communicate, us in our high school/Tex Mex restaurant Spanish and she in her non-existent English.  Joseph's 'treatment' amounted to little more than the three adults in the room trying to speak to one another.  At some point, I took him outside and we kicked a ball around, I think.  I was 27 years old.

It wasn't too many sessions later that Joseph and his mother failed to appear, and did not return follow-up notes mailed to the address they gave.  They had no phone. 

Memory faded and we went on with our work.  I recall meeting with violent biker swingers, lonely alcoholics, teenage 'freaks', a guy addicted to huge amounts of Dramamine.  But we never heard back from Joseph or his mother, until one day we received a letter in broken English addressed to me and to Julia.  Someone had written it for them, thanking us for all our help, and saying therapy had been most beneficial to Joseph, that he'd returned to school, and was doing fine. 

I don't know if the mother was simply being polite, or if we'd actually somehow managed to help her son.  She seemed to be a person of few so few resources, and pressed so hard for time for herself that it stretched my imagination to think that she wasted a stamp and the time to send us that letter.  But I don't know. 

What I do know is that the mere process of being cared for, as I, Julia, and his mother had done in our struggle to merely speak to one another, can often be enough to help a person past whatever sticking point they've arrived at in their development. 

And I thank Joseph and his mother teaching me that early lesson in psychotherapy

Your CRM Journey - Part 7: Rest Stops

Sometimes, when you are trying diligently to get to your ultimate CRM destination, the temptation can be to really ‘put the pedal to the metal’ and try to get there as quickly as possible. The problem is that when you do this, you may end up running out of gas before you get where you want to go– or you may find your team’s motivation levels 'on empty.'  

So slow down there, lead foot. CRM isn't a race. It's not about getting to the finish line as quickly as possible – especially since the journey is never really finished. CRM isn't a project or an initiative: it’s a fundamental change in the way your firm manages and leverages relationships. It’s a tool you will utilize well into the future to improve firm communication and coordination and enhance business development. So give yourself a break.

It’s important that you take a few rest stops during the rollout to get your bearings. Things sometimes change along the way that you may need to react to. New challenges or opportunities develop that were not anticipated when you originally planned the trip. Potholes may appear in the road. There may be mountains or valleys that you didn't anticipate during planning. When these things happen, you can't accelerate through them. Instead you need to pull over and just break out the roadmap again so you can plot a different route.