Recently, a friend of mine lost a multi-hundred thousand dollar a year job because he allowed himself to get pulled into a dangerous power struggle with a Bad Boss, mistakenly thinking that if he pressed his case strongly enough, he would 'win'. Each time we spoke, he described how the conflict grew, intensified, deepened, but was so entrenched in it that no matter what was said, he would go away and step ever deeper into the mire until he'd finally crossed the line the boss was waiting for him to cross and he was asked for his resignation.
"I guess I did it to myself," he said. And gosh, bless his heart, did he ever.
I will state here at the beginning that up to a point, I believe it is possible to handle the Bad Boss, and that knowing how to do it is a major part of being the good steward of your own career. But before we get any farther, I've got to point out the need to get ego out of the way. The executive or professional with a BB needs to be clear with herself what outcome she desires. Does she want to be 'right', or 'vindicated' or 'win'? Or, does she want to retain as much control as possible over the direction of her career, look past the current difficulty, and determine her own direction, or does she want to give that power to a small minded schmuck?
I'm going to assume she wants to retain control of her career, including when to resign if it comes to that.
There are really two Bad Bosses. One is the obvious psychopath. The other is incompetent. Sometimes the incompetent is also a psychopath. More on the incompetent later, for now lets stick with the psychopath.
This person simply does not care about others at all. He views people as packages of resources to be mined and discarded when empty. He quite often appears charming and harmless, particularly in early employment, and knows how to engender accomplices.
The key to discerning this Bad Boss is to trust your intuition, but to not act on it. Your intuition will tell you that this person is a little too slick, a little too polished and charming. You will notice the sycophants and accomplices he has surrounded himself with, and that he is always capable of bending rules to suit himself, while seducing others into colluding with him. Your job is to notice all this, and keep on noticing it, while at the same time failing to fall into an equal and opposite campaign to 'out' him. 'Be like smoke' is how I advise people unfortunate enough to have this BB. You must at all times behave in such a way as to have maximum control over your employment while scouting exit strategies if you decide it's just not worth it. This means never giving this BB the ammo he needs to steal control from you.
How do you do this, you ask? You do it by astutely studying your own emotions regarding the BB, but only from the outside, much as if you were watching the clouds in the sky. You scan the clouds for information on the weather, and in the same way, you look at your emotions as valuable information on what is transpiring in your relationship with the BB. One thing you DON'T do is feed your own emotions into any interaction. Once you do that, you are handing over everything the BB needs to hang you.
Just to make sure I've made my point, DO NOT EMOTIONALLY ENGAGE with the BB-you will hang yourself. Instead, remember there are tactics you can use, not to 'defeat' him, but rather, to defend yourself. These tactics are things your mother tried to teach you- manners, timeliness, professionalism, but never in a manipulative or sycophant-ish way, but the simple business of recognizing that he is above you in the hierarchy and knowing how to function within one's place in a hierarchy is one of the hallmarks of centered adult life. Often, simple professionalism will eventually lead to the BB hanging himself rather than his employees, because they have steadfastly refused to engage at his level.
It is also worth knowing that this BB is to be feared, but your fear should never show, as they are experts at sensing it, and once they do, their bloodlust becomes compelling. The tactic is is simply adult, centered professionalism. If your particular BB is a really dangerous one, he may not be satisfied with simply having power over you, he may need to show it as well. If he becomes clearly abusive, a judgment call is in order, and that may mean involving HR. This is a gray area, but obviously, when a BB's behavior crosses EEOC lines, then HR must be brought in, or an exit strategy formulated.
And this is where no adviser can go with you- with the psychopathic BB violating major guidelines, you the employee have entered the no-man's land of having to act to save oneself without the comfort of knowing the outcome. But act you must- call in HR, be ready to offer resignation, start looking for another job, perhaps consult an employment lawyer.
Life's too short to live that way.
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