Changing your life by changing your mind

By Sherry

Most of us feel upset and resentful from time to time, and for some that feeling seems to almost always be with us. The word "resent" means literally to refeel, so those who carry resentments are simply replaying unhappy times in their lives over and over again. One lady I worked with at one time kept saying to me, "But how can I feel happy when my husband is gone." I would usually tell her that she could feel sad that he was no longer with her, but she could begin to let go of the constant feelings of grief. She insisted that wasn't possible. She would tell me that no matter how engrosing whatever she was doing was, she would also be thinking of how much she missed her husband and about all the things she wished she had done differently in her life with him..

It is very difficult to shift our thinking from one channel to another, but it can be done with lots and lots of practice. The process can begin with the realization that no matter how hard we work at it, we can not change reality. My patient's husband was not going to come back, and she would never be able to change the way her life with him had been. By spending so much of her energy resenting the fact that he was gone, she was in effect poisoning the current monments in her life. We talked about the fact that her husband would not have wanted her to think that way, and gradually she began to see that she could begin to shift her thinking to more positive thoughts.

Many people allow their thinking to get stuck in certain tracks, and they come to believe that it is not possible to change this. Their take on life is that they feel what they feel, and there is no way to feel differently. In recent years, science has come a long way toward proving that what we think determines what plays out in our lives. It doesn't do so directly, of course, or we would all be winning the lottery all the time. But when we think we are helpless to change our thinking, we find that is true in our lives. When we begin to think about all the ways we might be able to shift our thought processes, we find we can do that occasionally. Since practice makes perfect, we find that our ability to change our thinking can grow.

To give you an example of how this words, I will tell you that my parents lived through the "great depression" just prior to my birth. It colored their lives and I grew up thinking that no matter how much I had, it was never enough. Eventually I realized that my thoughts were always of scarcity, so scarcity was what I attracted to my life. I worked very hard at shifting my thoughts to abundant thinking. I would get mail from many worthy causes asking for donations. In the past, I always felt that I did not have enough to give funds away. Slowly I sifted my thinking to the realization that I might not have much, but I had more than many others, so I opted to share the little I had. Since I was sending out abundant thoughts into the universe, the abundance in my life grew and grew.

If you have decided you want to learn to control your own thoughts (which will indeed change the way you view life and the people in it) you can begin by taking baby steps and progress from there. Whenever, you find your thinking is going around and around like a hampster on a wheel, tell youself that you would like to change the way you are thinking. The way that works best for me is to ask for help from a power greater than myself. I simply say, "Please help me not think this way." It helps if you have some more positive thoughts available. Think about something for which you are grateful. Think, perhaps, about the reward you will give yourself when you have achieved a change in thinking. Above all else, do not be discouraged when your thoughts shift back into an old rut. Simply allow yourself to be aware that this has happened, and try again. It will work if you work at it.

Controlling Your Personal (Mental and Emotional) Energy

By Dr. Bob Rausch

Seven Rules for Increasing Mental Energy

It's all about what you tell yourself

Your boss just declared that you made a huge mistake on an important project. What you say to yourself afterward makes a world of difference in your attitude, performance, and energy. Every thought you think and every emotion you feel requires energy. Cars use gasoline. Light bulbs use electricity. Your body uses an unlimited supply of the energy we are all provided. How you choose to use your energy is up to you. The truth is that you drain more energy on mental and emotional issues than on physical ones. Here are seven rules to help you maintain higher mental and emotional energy.

1. Practice the Universal One-Third Rule. Psychologists have stated that no matter what you do there is a One-Third Rule. One-third of the people like what you do, one-third of the people don't like what you do, and one-third of the people don't care what you do. Just remember that, "People do things for their own reasons, not for yours."

1. Define the Focus of Importance. When you are working with others get your focus very clear. It's easy to spend too much energy worrying about what someone thinks of you. Keep the focus where it needs to be, on the other person. One way to achieve focus is to recite this statement: "It's more important what I think of you than what you think of me."

1. Depersonalize disappointments. This is about business, not your self-esteem. Life is not always fair, so love and help people, but do not allow them to define who you are or your level of success.

1. Reframe Energy Drains. People can't affect the outcome of your experience unless you let them. Nothing that is pushing against you takes effect unless you push back. Reframe the situation. "When you have an uncomfortable situation ask, ‘Is there something I can learn from this."

1. Evaluate the Energy Drain. Did you hear something negative or take something negatively? Your level of energy will determine how you hear information. When you are low on energy you are more vulnerable to feeling defensive.

1. Delete clutter. Develop a behavioral trash bin. If a behavior doesn't teach or offer you something, delete it and send it to your behavioral trash bin.

1. Celebrate your successes. Don't be modest. When you do well admit it to yourself. Celebrations are energy refuelers.

3 Ways to Recover from a Mistake at Work

What did you do now? What did you say that got you into hot water? Did you accidentally insult the boss? Did you blame a co-worker for work that went undone? Did you praise the competition too much during the marketing presentation to top management?

We are going to make mistakes, and we must have strategies to identify them quickly, and to implement a recovery plan. It's essential that we quickly determine when we erred. We must know what to fix.

Incompetent people are sometimes described as those who don't know that they don't know. For these individuals, mistakes are common because they are unwilling to accept that they could be wrong.

While we are professionals, we are not pro athletes. We are not going to miss a last-second shot, throw an interception, or swing-and-miss at strike three. When the clock hits 5:00 pm, we can keep going. It's time to put it in overdrive, and not worry about the pressure of overtime.

Here are three strategies to recover from a mistake at work:

#1: Accept responsibility for the mistake, and develop a plan to resolve it.

Your boss will appreciate that you accepted responsibility for the mishap, and you went a step further to fix it. Avoid having others remind you of the problem. The sooner you determine what went awry, and how it can be corrected, the sooner you can put it behind you.

#2: Convert the mistake into a long-term benefit for the organization.

In many cases, mistakes are made because we are careless. For example, we failed to have a checklist in place, which means that the customers were not informed of the change in venue.

Once you fix the mistake, pull together a team to discuss how you can avoid this problem in the future. In essence, you are creating a quality control measure that will help the organization in the future. In quick order, your mistake has led to process improvement, and your leadership team will recognize the importance of this effort.

#3: Do whatever possible to avoid making the mistake in the future.

You must ensure that mistakes are not repeated. If you failed to make an important meeting because you forgot to add the item to your calendar, make sure that you have a back-up notification plan for future meetings. You can have your assistant text you 30 minutes before the scheduled meeting. It's important that you have a plan in place. Making the same mistake continually is a sign that you lack professionalism, and it will eventually lead to bigger problems.

We're not perfect, and that's for sure. The fact that we are imperfect makes us human, and provides us with a chance to showcase our wherewithal. We also learn the unpleasant feeling of doing something silly, and its immediate impact on our business operations.

However, once we assume accountability, we can find a solution. The leadership team respects those who identify the problem, implement an immediate fix, and seek a long-term solution. In fact, perseverance is an important trait for successful leaders.

The lesson here is to avoid fretting about mistakes. Unlike pro athletes, we have more wiggle room to get out of a pickle.



Jimmie Flores - About the Author:

Dr. Jimmie Flores,PhD,PMP,ITIL,SSBB,SPHR,GPHR is a
seasoned organizational development and continuous
improvement professional with 20 years of experience. In
2006, he founded the Flores Consulting Group, a company
based in San Antonio, TX. Dr. Flores is also an expert
in project management, ITIL, Six Sigma, Entrepreneurship,
and Sports Officiating.

Please feel free to share your success stories with me. You can reach me at jflores@jmbok.com or by calling 210-601-1996 and also you can visit my website at http://www.jmbok.com

How to stay positive

By Zellmanke

How to stay positive and keep a positive attitude

Almost everyone gets days that they feel life is dragging them down. There can be many causes for these negative feelings, but there are ways to overcome negativity and stay positive. There has been a time in my life when I had to work actively on staying positive. I had to find ways to get rid of my negativity at home and sometimes at work as well. This is why I want to share some tips and quotes with you all today on how to stay positive.

Tips on how to stay positive

1 .Ground yourself and find your own path: One of the main reasons people don`t know how to stay positive is because they live their lives to please others. Stop. Get to know yourself…who you are and what you want and need in life. Boost yourself by focusing on what is important to you personally. Set achievable goals for yourself and strive to reach them. Remember that exceptional people do exceptional things – try to push the boundaries of your potential. Some things in life are just random and what you do with it is what matters. Your life is your own. You can choose the direction you want to take and pursue it one small step at a time.

2. Appreciate yourself: Look on the inside and find things that you like about yourself, even if it is something small. Are you funny? What do you have pride in? Are you good with people? Do you have a lot of patience? When you focus on the positive things about yourself, you might have a positive influence on others without even knowing it. Appreciate your physical attributes. Do you have nice strong nails or beautiful feet? Does your haircut make you look great? Find things that appeal to you.

3 .Change the way you look at things: If you cannot change something, change your attitude towards it. It all depends on how you choose to look at things. Let yourself dream and get excited about possibilities. If you cannot change something, do not waste your time worrying over it. If you can`t control it let it go.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Dr Wayne Dyer

4. Block out negative thoughts: If you find yourself in a bad mood decide to change your mind. Do not focus on the negatives. Ask yourself the right kind of questions like "what can I learn from this" rather than "why did this happen to me?". Make your self-talk positive. Get feedback and support from positive people in your life that make you feel good about yourself and know how to stay positive themselves. Do not automatically assume that nobody cares. Realize that most people have ups and down in their life as well as moments of low self-esteem. Remember that there will always be a tomorrow, next week, next month… Some things pass with time and most things tend to get better.

5. Do not stop yourself from feeling joy: Let yourself enjoy life. Take the time, step back and just enjoy the moment. It is important to smile and laugh – even if your situation is not the best. Have fun for fun`s sake, even it is "not important".

"There are always flowers for those who want to see them." - Henry Matisse

6. Reminisce and take time for yourself: This is an important how to stay positive tip. Think about happy memories. Think back about all the good things you have experienced, felt, achieve – it doesn't matter how small. Remember that in the future there will be many more good things and do not allow a few obstacles to get in your way. Another how to stay positive tip is to spend some quiet time alone, without any distractions like a cell phone or television, and listen to your inner self.

7. Be consciously grateful: Find things, people or experiences to be grateful for EVERYDAY! Take stock of your life and consciously appreciate the people and the things in it. It do not have to be big things, but I am sure if you have access to this blog post on a computer – any computer – you must have something to be grateful for. There will always be people out there that are much worse off than yourself but are still able to stay positive.

A final way I learned how to stay positive is to keep healthy, stimulated and challenged by doing loads of activities.

Why You Have To Stop Waiting For Your Life To Begin

By Zoe Young and Adam Benedetto

We sometimes go through life in a dream-like state, never really connecting or being who we truly are. It is as if we are waiting for ourselves to begin or for our life to take form. It is this constant waiting that prevents us from taking the center stage in our life. The waiting for the right moment, for things to get better, or change, where does this get us? This kind of dissatisfaction leaves us not only wanting, but distant and not at peace in our own life. While we are waiting for things to change or get better, we are also left in a state of flux, and never really forming a commitment to our life. Why do we do this? Are we really so unsatisfied with ourselves and our lives? Do we expect better, and what are we waiting for? Only we truly know why or when we can begin our life. Meanwhile, it is passing us by, the days and years slowly meandering forth. While we wait, life keeps happening; while we dream, our lives keep going on.

What needs to happen in order to take charge of our lives is to look at what we have and who we are right now. We can and need to see ourselves right now. This is important, for in waiting, we never really take stock of ourselves and our life. It is important to look at ourselves full on and be aware of what we are in the moment we are in, for by waiting, we are not present in the moment. By looking at ourselves, we claim the moment, we gain presence, and we can begin to see what is real in our lives. Not that wanting or waiting is bad, but it is not truly real. We are what is real right now. The future holds no bounds for what may be, so in choosing to wait for what we can not control, we are living in a false way. Life is not ordered in the ways we like to believe, so to dream of tomorrows lacks our presence in today. For every moment we are preoccupied with tomorrow or our future is a moment we are absent from in our life. To take matters into your own hands is to claim now, as it is and for all it really is. Sometimes we lack the ability to see all the wonderful things we have now. How actually content we could be if we gave up the waiting. How impressive are lives are in this moment we are in, with nothing changing or being different.

When we allow ourselves to gain presence in now, sometimes our perspective on our life can change. We begin to see what is real not only in ourselves, but in the world around us and the life we are living. Give your life a chance right now by begin present with it. Stop thinking about tomorrow and what may be. Stop waiting for your agendas to be fulfilled. And most importantly, give now your attention. This is the only way to feel satisfied, not when something takes place or happens, but when you instead allow yourself to be present. For that is really all you are waiting for, that moment when you realize that now is okay, that it is exactly what you want. And you have that option to make now that moment. You have the power to give up the waiting and start living by looking at this very moment as the one you have been waiting for. Release the resistance to this life right now by accepting it as it is. Telling yourself that now is exactly as it should be and it is what you need. Not what tomorrow may bring or when it changes, but that right now is everything you need. This helps you to not only live as you are meant to, but gives you a sense of deep satisfaction and contentedness that you have been waiting for.

Healthy Personal Development Tips For Creative Personal Growth

By harry888

Increased happiness can be yours with the application of the simple and time honored self help tips provided in this article. Learn to cope with your problems so they don't pile up and overwhelm you. The following techniques will help you pinpoint your weaknesses and overcome them. So, relax, take a breath and prepare to read effective self help advice that will positively impact your life.

Be sure to track your progress at very regular intervals. For many health and fitness goals there are applications for smart phones, which can help you. For other developments, you can create your own tracker with a simple spreadsheet or chart. This will help you to see how far you've come and also help you to maintain your momentum.

Make your dreams come true. You should stay realistic and plan out a way of achieving your dreams. The immaterial quality of dreams makes them what they are, but if you approach them as desires rather than dreams, you will be surprised at how easily you can achieve some of them, if you work toward this kind of goal.

Incorporate some quiet time into your personal development program. This will help to organize your thoughts and energize you. The benefits can assist you in your personal development and in your life in general!

If you find that you feel as if your life is missing something or need some kind of an outlet for stress, consider taking up a hobby. It will fill your time with something productive instead of worrying about the things in your life that you cannot fix. These hobbies can be just about anything that interests you.

Ask others what they do to keep themselves looking and feeling good. You can always chat with others to find out what works for them; this will give you ideas you may not have thought about before. Their ideas might work even better for you than some of the things you are already doing.

Make your work environment better looking. Put up pictures of things and people you love, bring plants and generally cheer up your immediate work environment. Seeing the people you love will motivate you, and beautifying your work environment will make you feel better about working so that you can do your best.

Have someone you know you can trust on be your confidant. As you go through your journey of personal development you will need someone to bounce your thoughts and feeling off of. It is good to have a go to person that you know will be honest with you and will tell it like it is.

Consider becoming spiritual in some way. Spiritual doesn't necessarily mean religious. Just consider thinking about more than your physical body. Spiritual activities can make you feel more secure about the world you live in as well as answer questions you may have in your mind that have long gone unanswered.

On days that you don't feel motivated start you task anyways. Sometimes things seem harder when you are just sitting around dwelling on them. Tell yourself that you will work towards your goal for at least fifteen minutes, then if you still don't feel like working on it you can quit. In most cases, once you get started you won't want to stop.

Taking a yoga class or purchasing a yoga video can be a terrific way to boost your personal development. This ancient exercise includes strengthening, stretching, and a cardiovascular workout to make it an all around wonderful form. Additionally, you will gain mental clarity and focus while practicing yoga. Try yoga today.

Personal development in children is learned by setting boundaries for them at home and at school. Clear boundaries tell children what's expected of them, what they can and can't do and the reward and punishment for following them.

Acknowledge and evaluate the distance between your current status and your personal development goals. Personal development does not happen overnight, so it's best to make an honest assessment of how far you have to go to achieve your goals. This will enable you to make a path that is customized for your life and goals.

If you still have a table and a fridge full of leftovers from your Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, pack them up and deliver them to the local women's club or homeless shelter, rather than throwing them out. You will feel better inside and can easily brighten someone's day with delicious foods and desserts. Try to make this a habit that is not necessarily limited to major holidays, whether you deliver food once per week or once per month.

Help others whenever you can. Some of the most successful people in life are those who respect and help the people that surround them. Doing things that help to change people's lives, even in the smallest ways, will make you feel good about yourself and cause you to be the kind of person that others want to be around.

As was mentioned in the introduction of the article, personal development is not an easy task. However, if you are knowledgeable about how to improve yourself in a healthy way, the process of personal development becomes much simpler. Follow the advice in this article and you will be on your way to self improvement and a positive well-being.