Accepting the Challenge of The Bad Boss

Recently, a friend of mine lost a multi-hundred thousand dollar a year job because he allowed himself to get pulled into a dangerous power struggle with a Bad Boss, mistakenly thinking that if he pressed his case strongly enough, he would 'win'.  Each time we spoke, he described how the conflict grew, intensified, deepened, but was so entrenched in it that no matter what was said, he would go away and step ever deeper into the mire until he'd finally crossed the line the boss was waiting for him to cross and he was asked for his resignation.

"I guess I did it to myself," he said.  And gosh, bless his heart, did he ever. 

I will state here at the beginning that up to a point, I believe it is possible to handle the Bad Boss, and that knowing how to do it is a major part of being the good steward of your own career.  But before we get any farther, I've got to point out the need to get ego out of the way.  The executive or professional with a BB needs to be clear with herself what outcome she desires.  Does she want to be 'right', or 'vindicated' or 'win'?  Or, does she want to retain as much control as possible over the direction of her career, look past the current difficulty, and determine her own direction, or does she want to give that power to a small minded schmuck?

I'm going to assume she wants to retain control of her career, including when to resign if it comes to that.

There are really two Bad Bosses.  One is the obvious psychopath.  The other is incompetent.  Sometimes the incompetent is also a psychopath.  More on the incompetent later, for now lets stick with the psychopath. 

This person simply does not care about others at all.  He views people as packages of resources to be mined and discarded when empty.  He quite often appears charming and harmless, particularly in early employment, and knows how to engender accomplices.

The key to discerning this Bad Boss is to trust your intuition, but to not act on it.  Your intuition will tell you that this person is a little too slick, a little too polished and charming.  You will notice the sycophants and accomplices he has surrounded himself with, and that he is always capable of bending rules to suit himself, while seducing others into colluding with him.  Your job is to notice all this, and keep on noticing it, while at the same time failing to fall into an equal and opposite campaign to 'out' him.  'Be like smoke' is how I advise people unfortunate enough to have this BB.  You must at all times behave in such a way as to have maximum control over your employment while scouting exit strategies if you decide it's just not worth it.  This means never giving this BB the ammo he needs to steal control from you.

How do you do this, you ask?  You do it by astutely studying your own emotions regarding the BB, but only from the outside, much as if you were watching the clouds in the sky.  You scan the clouds for information on the weather, and in the same way, you look at your emotions as valuable information on what is transpiring in your relationship with the BB.  One thing you DON'T do is feed your own emotions into any interaction.  Once you do that, you are handing over everything the BB needs to hang you. 

Just to make sure I've made my point, DO NOT EMOTIONALLY ENGAGE with the BB-you will hang yourself.  Instead, remember there are tactics you can use, not to 'defeat' him, but rather, to defend yourself.  These tactics are things your mother tried to teach you- manners, timeliness, professionalism, but never in a manipulative or sycophant-ish way, but the simple business of recognizing that he is above you in the hierarchy and knowing how to function within one's place in a hierarchy is one of the hallmarks of centered adult life.  Often, simple professionalism will eventually lead to the BB hanging himself rather than his employees, because they have steadfastly refused to engage at his level.

It is also worth knowing that this BB is to be feared, but your fear should never show, as they are experts at sensing it, and once they do, their bloodlust becomes compelling.  The tactic is is simply adult, centered professionalism.  If your particular BB is a really dangerous one, he may not be satisfied with simply having power over you, he may need to show it as well.  If he becomes clearly abusive, a judgment call is in order, and that may mean involving HR.  This is a gray area, but obviously, when a BB's behavior crosses EEOC lines, then HR must be brought in, or an exit strategy formulated.

And this is where no adviser can go with you- with the psychopathic BB violating major guidelines, you the employee have entered the no-man's land of having to act to save oneself without the comfort of knowing the outcome.  But act you must- call in HR, be ready to offer resignation, start looking for another job, perhaps consult an employment lawyer. 

Life's too short to live that way.

Thank you, Joseph

Thirty-four years ago, give or take a month or two, I, an ever so slightly qualified psychotherapist, encountered my first clients, a Mexican-American boy named Joseph and his mother.  He had a serious school phobia,  a condition about which I knew absolutely nothing.  He spoke little or no English, nor did his mother.  We had no Spanish speaking therapists in the agency, and for whatever the reason, Joseph and his mother were assigned to me and my mentor, Julia. 

Picture the absurdity of two Anglo non-Spanish speakers in a room with this loving, frightened young mother and her big eyed little brown son as we tried to communicate, us in our high school/Tex Mex restaurant Spanish and she in her non-existent English.  Joseph's 'treatment' amounted to little more than the three adults in the room trying to speak to one another.  At some point, I took him outside and we kicked a ball around, I think.  I was 27 years old.

It wasn't too many sessions later that Joseph and his mother failed to appear, and did not return follow-up notes mailed to the address they gave.  They had no phone. 

Memory faded and we went on with our work.  I recall meeting with violent biker swingers, lonely alcoholics, teenage 'freaks', a guy addicted to huge amounts of Dramamine.  But we never heard back from Joseph or his mother, until one day we received a letter in broken English addressed to me and to Julia.  Someone had written it for them, thanking us for all our help, and saying therapy had been most beneficial to Joseph, that he'd returned to school, and was doing fine. 

I don't know if the mother was simply being polite, or if we'd actually somehow managed to help her son.  She seemed to be a person of few so few resources, and pressed so hard for time for herself that it stretched my imagination to think that she wasted a stamp and the time to send us that letter.  But I don't know. 

What I do know is that the mere process of being cared for, as I, Julia, and his mother had done in our struggle to merely speak to one another, can often be enough to help a person past whatever sticking point they've arrived at in their development. 

And I thank Joseph and his mother teaching me that early lesson in psychotherapy

Your CRM Journey - Part 7: Rest Stops

Sometimes, when you are trying diligently to get to your ultimate CRM destination, the temptation can be to really ‘put the pedal to the metal’ and try to get there as quickly as possible. The problem is that when you do this, you may end up running out of gas before you get where you want to go– or you may find your team’s motivation levels 'on empty.'  

So slow down there, lead foot. CRM isn't a race. It's not about getting to the finish line as quickly as possible – especially since the journey is never really finished. CRM isn't a project or an initiative: it’s a fundamental change in the way your firm manages and leverages relationships. It’s a tool you will utilize well into the future to improve firm communication and coordination and enhance business development. So give yourself a break.

It’s important that you take a few rest stops during the rollout to get your bearings. Things sometimes change along the way that you may need to react to. New challenges or opportunities develop that were not anticipated when you originally planned the trip. Potholes may appear in the road. There may be mountains or valleys that you didn't anticipate during planning. When these things happen, you can't accelerate through them. Instead you need to pull over and just break out the roadmap again so you can plot a different route. 

Your CRM Journey - Part 7: Points of Interest

While focusing on your ultimate CRM destination is, of course, important, it can also be beneficial to check out the scenery along the way. You need to take a little time to smell the CRM ‘roses’ and relish your successes to ensure the journey is sweet.  

There are a lot of points of interest that can be…well, interesting. You may even want to plan in advance what sites you want to see. Think about what made you want to embark on the journey in the first place. What were your goals for this journey? What landmarks did you hope to see en route? Where did you hope to end up?

For instance, are there certain levels of adoption you want to reach? Are you interested in improving mailing lists or event management? Do you hope to be able to identify a certain number of relationships to enhance business development? Do you need to improve data quality as you move forward?

All of these are sites worth seeing. And when you arrive at one of these important points, you will want to memorialize the achievement by sending a postcard, so to speak. Communicate the successes with others at the firm to let them know that you have all worked together to reach a crucial milestone. 

Your CRM Journey - Part 6: Your Compass

Sometimes when you are on your CRM journey, you may get turned around.  You may even feel like you have lost sight of your destination. It can seem as though you’ve passed the same landmarks over and over again without making any real progress. You may even get so dizzy or disoriented that you don't know which way to go next.

At times like these, one of the things that can really help you stay on the right path is a good compass. By this I mean someone who you can turn to for guidance along the way. Your compass is the person who can point you in the right direction, even when you have gotten completely turned around.

This person could be a director or supervisor who sees where the firm is trying to go and who understands how CRM can help to get there. It could be a mentor at another firm or within the industry who has already blazed a similar trail. It could also be a consultant with significant experience and expertise who can help you create the roadmap and plot your course. 

No matter who you decide to turn to for direction, it’s essential that you find a compass who can help you to locate your ‘True North’ - CRM success.

Your CRM Journey - Part 5: Winding Roads

You may initially think that a CRM implementation or rollout would be straightforward. So many firms have gone down this road before that you wouldn't expect to have to blaze a new trail. 

But what you will often discover is that you may have to drastically alter both your expectations and your course. You might start out planning to go in one direction initially, but soon find out that you are moving in a completely different direction - or even doing a complete 180.

With CRM, one minute can seem like smooth sailing. The next, you may find yourself caught in a whirlwind just trying to stay afloat. At times like these, it’s easy to feel like bailing. But don't. Before embarking on your CRM journey, you need to understand that achieving CRM success can be a long and winding road. That path can be filled with peaks and valleys and littered with roadblocks.

This is because the goal of CRM is to help the firm achieve key objectives, and these are often affected by the winds of change. Things like variable market conditions, economic upswings or downturns and increased competition can cause a firm to require a course correction. And as that course changes, sometimes the CRM implementation needs to change to support the new direction. But for firms that stay the course and are able to change gears and get things moving in the right direction again, the CRM journey can end up being incredibly rewarding and can take them to places they didn't even have on their original itinerary. 

Your CRM Journey - Part 4: The Map

If you don't know where you are going, how in the world will you know when you get there? This is some sage CRM success advice. This is also the reason that for every CRM journey – from international adventures such as a full-scale firm-wide roll-out, to simpler treks like CRM enhancements, upgrades or data projects – you are going to need a good map.

Of course, because CRM is a journey - and one that never really ends - you can't really ever hope to 'get there.’ But without a map, you won't even know whether you are making progress. In fact, you might not even be aware if you are covering the same ground multiple times – or even going in circles.

Your CRM plan is your map. Before embarking on any CRM journey, you need to really think about where you want to go and the best way to get there. Because CRM often requires consensus building and behavior change, you may find out that the best way to get from point A to point B is not actually a straight path, but rather a winding road. You may also learn that because things are always changing, even the best maps often have to be revised. Heck, 29 new countries have come into existence since the 90s. (Really, how many people have even heard of Turkmenistan - forget about finding it on the globe?) 

You will also want to consider points along the way where makes sense to stop, rest, regroup – and plan your next move forward.